ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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