He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
