Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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