you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
