White coat. Heels.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
MIDGETS
????
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
