I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
