He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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