we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
