to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
