I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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