Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
