She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
