so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
