It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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