Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
