Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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