Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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