If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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