so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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