Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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