I am spending my child support on dildos
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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