Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
