Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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