Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
