I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
two words: eviction party
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
