dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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