We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
