just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
