i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
