Having a random hookup so left but love u
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
