whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
