I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
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