I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
