i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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