Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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