Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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