I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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