My friends, they love my intelligence
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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