i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
