This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
