forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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