Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
