I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
