so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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