Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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