Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
