you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
so much tequila, so little girl.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
