There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
