I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You're like the curious george of whores
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
