He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
