She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
