The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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