I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
