Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
